Tears of a Clown

Glenn Beck is sad because he might be starting to finally realize he is the fucking Devil.

Case of the Everydays: Angel dog, Dog angel.

I had a thought that maybe when I die, I will go to Heaven.
It was weird because I don't believe in Heaven or Hell or God.
This thought was centered around my dog being there.
She is really expressive, and has a lot of character, so I think
of her as human, almost.
So I thought maybe she is an angel, inside a dog's body,
keeping tabs on us, and when we die, she will be there,
as an angel, and it would be surreal.
I thought she might tell me her name isn't really Phoebe.
I also thought she would be pretty bitter because of all
the times I impatiently tugged on her leash because she took
so goddamn long to smell a stupid old dried turd.

Raw Deal

This oyster is sad because people like the taste of him, but can't take the smell.

Super Fucking Sad Song Lyrics - Vol. 1 : "St. Augustine's Road" by Mt. Egypt

I don't want to try to get excited
about the motion of my life changing
and my mind flipping
home alone, again
at three in the afternoon
paralyzed in cold silent sunrise
with nowhere to go
nothing to say
I used to know where I could find myself
in the thick of the wood
in the top of a tree
but I'm lost now
gonna spend some time
since my own mind did little but harm me
home alone, again
at three in the afternoon
paralyzed in cold silent sunrise
with nowhere to go
nothing to say
and you're being punished
for things you've never done wrong
madness comes knocking
you answer in song
and you're being punished
for things you've never done wrong
madness comes knocking
you answer in song

ed. note - yikes

Moew is me

This little kitten is sad because the complexities of the world escape it constantly.

Forlorn Fridays: The Most Magical Whatever

There was this Unicorn
it was born one day
From a beam of light
Fully grown.
It knew it was a magnificent creature
with it's white coat and golden hooves.
It went forth into the world
Knowing it would change everything.
The first people it met were two teenagers
Eager to disregard anything.
The Unicorn spoke
In a voice like God
"Hello! Fine to meet you! I am the most magical Unicorn ever!"
The Teenagers were not impressed
"Unicorns? That shit is for kids ROTFLTTYLBRBJSPHFL"
So it jumped off a fucking cliff and died.

Lady, from the Moment I Saw You

Kristen Wiig is sad because she is not my wife, and we will both never be complete.